Chai & Matcha Diaries

Many people find Japanese a challenging language to learn, and while I agree, I believe that understanding Japanese culture is the key to making it easier. One of the most distinctive aspects of communication in Japan is how indirect and considerate it can be, especially when declining or making requests .

For example, I’ve often noticed that Japanese speakers may leave sentences incomplete or refrain from clearly rejecting a request.

Recently, I asked a colleague if she could help me with a task after work, and her response was, “今日は6時後ちょっと…” which roughly translates to “Actually, after 6 pm…” I responded simply with “わかりました” meaning “I understand.”

For someone unfamiliar with Japanese communication, this exchange might seem unclear, as she didn’t explicitly say, “I can’t.” or “できません” But that’s the subtlety!

By adding “ちょっと” at the end, she was indirectly implying, “I have plans after 6, so I can’t.” In this way, she conveyed her apology without causing discomfort.

To truly communicate like a Japanese person, it’s essential to avoid directly denying requests in many situations. When you must decline, ensure that your response is complete enough so the other person doesn’t feel the need to ask for further clarification.

For example, if someone asks for help at work and you can’t assist immediately due to urgent tasks, a vague “no” might prompt the other person to ask, “Is it just for now, or are you not able to help at all?”

In such cases, it’s important to clarify your availability in the initial response. For instance, if someone at the office says, “この資料を作成したが、ちょっと確認してもらえませんか” (Can you review this document for me?), you could respond with, “実は明日までに部長に提出しないといけない資料があって。。すみません” (I have to submit something to the manager by tomorrow, so I’m sorry, I can’t do it today). This makes it clear that you are unavailable at least for the day.

Alternatively, if you might be available later, you could say, “今はちょっと別件が入っているんですが。。今日午後でもよろしいですか” (I have another task right now, but would it be alright if I help this afternoon?). This way, you’ve conveyed both your current unavailability and a potential time when you could assist, ensuring the other person doesn’t have to follow up again.

By thinking from the other person’s perspective and providing a thoughtful, complete response, you maintain clarity and avoid causing unnecessary confusion—an essential part of Japanese communication.

Another example of this subtle communication style occurred when I was out with a Japanese friend during fieldwork. My friend had just mentioned how the days were turning cooler, with a refreshing breeze making everything feel pleasant. However, when we later met our senior, the senior remarked, “○○君、暑くて大変ですね” (meaning, “It must be tough for you in this heat”).

Instead of directly contradicting the senior by saying, “No, it’s not hot,” my friend responded with, “そうですね、でもそれほどでも” (roughly, “Yes, but not too much”). This response acknowledged the senior’s concern without fully agreeing, gently expressing his own feelings without seeming dismissive.

In many other cultures, it might be completely normal to say, “No, it’s not hot,” but in Japan, such a direct response could be seen as somewhat rude. It could unintentionally dismiss the senior’s thoughtful remark, which was meant to show empathy. By giving a polite and measured response, my friend respected the senior’s feelings while subtly sharing his own perspective.

The takeaway here is that in Japanese communication, it’s essential to consider the other person’s perspective before replying. This is known as “相手の立場に立った表現をする” (expressing from the other person’s position).

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